grown up to be 23 years old d but i dun think tat i am really grown up... choices in your hand/ in my hand but there no one forcing you to make the wrong choices or force you to make a choices...
it is me who make all the stupid and silly choices... maybe i will be more cheerful if i am not in a relationship rather than always thinking whether it is my wrong or am i too stubborn over some matter??? i try to change to a better person and accepting new person in my life... but am i feeling like living in a hell...
tommy did gave me a lot of joyful moment and maybe because of him i have more request towards myself and the one beside me... i know i always force him to do and also to be someone tat i wan him to be... i know he is tired but i just cant get rid of my tis hidious attitude... i hate my attitude but i dunno what should i do... i know he gt a sickness and will suffer from wind and also gastric awfully if he din eat however i still be like a disrespectful gf being mean towards him.... today i show my face of disastisfaction when i saw he ate without waiting for me.... i cares so much for him and tat cause me get the "best" from him...
he say he already ready to be with me but me......... i dunno whether i am ready to be into another stage or not... whether i am willing to be with him or is he the one for me??? i scare ah ma cannot last long and i had requested from him on register but he keep on declining me... therefore i stop my thinking... i scare of losing ah ma now... i know she lonely n i also knew tat i am not a good grand daughter to her... losing mummy mean a lot to me tat y i cannot accept losing another person in my life... i wanna register fast cause i wan ah ma to be happy once... tommy never know how my feeling really was...
sometimes force does not mean tat someone is correct... its not i dun wan to say everything to tommy but what can u do dear... except for being angry what can u do??? i rather silence... i am being humiliated by ur cousin sister, can u help me solve it??? except being angry and explode there's nothing u can really do...ur cousin sister not really swallow my money RM20 but actually it is more than tat as my tuition always start at 7pm but she doesnt count in it... the problem tat i faced who understand...
i have a thought of moving back home but thinking on being separate with you cause my bravery all being hide aside... i have no courage as i love you so much and i started to hate u....nw working in a new company need a lot of bravery cause its a totally change for me.... i had a thought on breaking up with you but i dun have the brave and courage as i love you so much... it's just i cant find any sevure when i be with... i cant sense tat u will take care of me cause u care ur family more than me... i cannot voice out all my feeling hid inside except dropping down heavy downpour...
what choice should i make to make it correct??? what to do only then is correct??? i am so tired of thinking all this until wan just to die and tat's it... whatever i do also wrong then what should i do is the right thing??? i could not put down my dad and my sibling... what should i do....??? can someone pls teach me... i wanna find renee to talk also cannot as she so bz nwadays...who else can i find...??? mummy teach pls........................................................................
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