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long time didn't log in dunno what should i write at here...
suppose i have a lot of things wanna say out but i don't know where should i start... should i start from every little thing tat happen along our journey being into tight up together? or should start from the time we had been argue lately cause of many things tat happen along our journey of love?

mummy had been away for 2 years and in the mean time i need to learn on how to live my life and stand on my own in these 2 years. it's really hard to have been separated with mum for she is the best companion and my bestest fren in my life. till now every single pieces of my heart i still miss her deeply. i keep her safely in my mind so that i won't forget her no matter what happen to me. i wanted so much to dream of her but unfortunately i had never dreamt of her. up to recently i kept on dreaming about her. tat was the best feeling i had ever had and felt. i wanted to see her so much and have a lot of things wanna say to her. i know it is impossible to do so, tat y i wanna c her and met her in my dream. strange is she kept appeared in grandpa hse. is it she back there? or is there anything she wanna say to us and told us to back there? i don't dare to think so much. the only think is till bear in mind is she keeps on smiling with me whenever i dreamt of her. If there is a realy wish I can wish for, I would wish to meet and see mummy again... I really wanna see her so much... i wanna lay under her warm shoulder and hug her tight for the one last time. this is the thing i really want in my life now. there is nothing more. there is nothing more i want than meeting my mum and hug her for the one last time. i also need her guidance on how to face and solve the problem I had with piggy mum.

Mummy,
it's been so long i haven't talk to you at here. i met with a lot of problem nowadays. I don't know how to face them and i felt that my life is meaningless. U r not here with me, i dunno who should i seek for advice. Mami, I duno how to face dad. His spending is over nowdays. Although he started to care us now but his income could not cover his expenses. He even asked me for money. I struggle so much with myself not to give him money and sometimes even argue with Piggy because of this matter however at last I still gave him some money. Only one thing that makes me heartache is he spent my money on karaoke. I felt so pain. Mami, not I dun want give him money just that I also don't have money to spent. My body become weaker each day.
Maybe cause i follow ur step. Always thinking on earning money day and night and also forget all our trouble and problem by making ourselves busy. I don't know whether it is good or not as I know this really helped me forget my trouble and problem. Mami, now i worked as officer at a broker firm and also a tuition teacher. I wanted to earn more to make myself comfortable. I don't want the life u had been through but griefly saying, I am on the road same as you.

Mami,
last time at house when you left us with dad, i had always been thinking on how to get out of there. I had been always thinking on being together with my love ones. now i finally be with him although i not sure whether he is the one for me. his family treat me quite nice but that was in the beginning. now i regretted moving in to stay with them. At the beginning everything was fine and smooth. However recently, everything turns upside down. last time, i used to help them cleaning hse, doing the house chores and even help his mum to cook but now, i stopped doing everything for them. i quitted doing it because all my hard had never been appreciated and his mum taking advantage on me. I felt it. I am not thinking too much. I can feel it and see it with my own eyes. Piggy didn't do, his mum will never scold him like she say me. I finally understand your feeling last time mami. Why you always down and sad when grandma around and why you choose don't want to live with grandma. I understand your bitter you had last time. She always say bad things about me. Like tat night, I went back home with Piggy to meet dad a while then we back to piggy house again. When we reached home, i called her as usual but she didn't want to answer me and also showed her black face to me. when we eat, i called her again, she also don't want to answer and turn her face back. tat time, i felt what wrong i had done and y she treated me tis way? i asked piggy to go and comfort her cause i knew if she keeps on like tis i sure out the house tat nite. I understand myself very well... out of my expectations, she say y must i back to my house? always back home then no need care this house anymore. she yell so loud. I don't know whether there is any intentions or not but I do felt hurt. i let piggy know but he also cannot do ath. at that time i dunno i live so long is for what purpose? all this while i had been living for Piggy, his family and my family. I never really lived for myself.

Mami,
a month ago, i received a home tuition offer. it is quite far somewhere near sungai ara there. I knew i sure be very tired if i accept the offer. but if asked me to choose whether teach tuition or stay at home, i rather choose teach tuition cause i no need to face his mum and also his family. The only person i can speak and talk to at his house is his father. i had been discussing this matter several times with piggy and i also get the same answer from him, nothing change. i knew he in the middle and so i just bear the pains inside my heart and also keep in silence. Seeing how his mum and his family treat him, i really angry with them. Whenever there is things happen, they must wan him to share. he cant say ath. but if ask him to do it for me, there sure be thousands of reason. he always say tat he care me a lot. honestly and frankly speaking, if he really got care my feeling and understand my feeling, i wont felt so "weiqu" all this while. i had said to him to understand my feeling. don't stand on his position but stand at my positions. he never do that. i said he never sacrifice for me, he say he did... but i had never felt it in his actions.
Can he move out from his house with me? No he cant.
Can he speak form me and scold back his family when he family scold me and accuse me? No he cant.
Can he speak on my behalf? No he cant.
Can he gave me some of his money when he notice tat I have no money to spent? No, he cant.
Can he keeps his promise towards me? No he cant
Can he reject his duty for the promise he had made to me? No he cant.
If he asks me all the questions above, my answer will be yes.

I always care and him, tat y i not dare spend his money because i know every single penny he earns is from his sweat and tears and blood. I works 2 jobs because i want to lessen his burden towards me but i never ever thought tat because of my this decision, makes me regret and sad all these years. his care and become lesser each day. it makes argue everytime we speak or chat.

Mami,
if you were here, could you please let me know what should i do? what should i do make our relationship closer? i am hoping i could release everything out and also hopes he could read all this one day. his birthday is nearer. no matter hw hard am i, i still prepare his birthday celebration with him. although my money just left RM 50 to spend, i still buy him a gift. i never fail him but he failed me. i am losing hope towards him. if one day we both separated it is because of his family and also his mum. i am in patience right now and keep in silence because piggy asked me to do so. I never thought that what i demand from him for this year end could be my saddest words from him. I am thinking on moving out and let us separated for a while.
I felt heavy and i want some rest so do him. He stuck in the middle.

Mami could you please let me know what should i do only the correct choice?