Wednesday, December 22, 2010

221210

there r so many words i wanna tell u... i been kept it inside my heart... i dunno how to express it out to u... maybe its better for me tis way... for i dun have to care bout ur feeling so much...

i am not ordinary girl... i am also not the play play type... i am a girl who concern love more than money... i also know that you guys more sensitive on money than we girl... sometimes my words might have hurt u... to be frank i have no intention at all... i am not mean to hurt u at all... may be u dun know that u r the one i dun wan to hurt the most in this world....

i been hurt many times and i am still cant get rid of my scared feeling... tat nite we go oriental...
i remember for the first time i been to oriental is the nite u piao pai to me.... tat nite i purpose sing a song... for there will a phrase 'Darling I Love You" in that song... i dun sure u notice it or not for u enjoying diao with ur fren that nite... i also dun wan to ruin ur nite with ur fren as tat nite i also have a bit emo...

i knew that u already get used to that... i knew he is one of ur best and special fren... but i just dun like if u need to rush here and there just for going out... and then a turn back to fetch me again... u dun feel tired but i felt tired for u and i dun like it... i am so sorry for being over tat night...

tomoro i gonna have a body check... i was afraid to have body check bcz of mummy.... if mummy din go for body check maybe can live for several years more... if mummy din go for treatment maybe can be with me several years more... i wont have to leave away from that home... i wont have trouble facing him... i wont be away from stephanie... no one know i cry for every night... i wanna stop crying... but i cant... i cant accept the fact...

tat day stephanie came to find me... i cry... seeing her dun want to be away from me... my heart pain...but piggy din noe about it...

last year in this date... i praying hardly mummy could pass the most critical stage... i so tang yuan for her... it was her second operation on stomach.... she struggle so much last year... i pray so hard and also struggle with her last year... after 3 hours... finally i get to c my mum... and doc say she will be ok d...

but things cant be predict.... this year i cant so tang yuan.... i also in a mess family... i cant play with mummy while so tang yuan d... we cant make colorful tang yuan again d... she is in the other world of mine...

i wanna call her so much today... no one know how today meant for me.... i purpose back late today.... for my tears been rolling since morning..............  i dun wan to shed a tears in front of him..... i rather to cry alone... i really needs a time for me today....

mummy do u noe ur daughter me cant be back to myself again.... i am weak d... i am strong for others but not for myself..... mummy ur image always on my mind... i cant get rid of it.... mummy yesterday i really dream of u.... but y in my dream u ask me to let u go.... y in my dream u ask me to forget u... after so long time i finally can dream of u... but y... mummy do u noe tat its was the hardest thing for me to do...

mummy.... i really dun know how to live my life without by my side..... until nw i cant finish the video tat i promise u before u pass away.... i really wanna grab ur hands and touch my face....... but there wont be a chance for me anymore......







mummy hw are u nw at there..... is it u really feel happy thr??? r u really free from ur suffer...... do u smile a lot like u use to do ma.... no matter how sad i am here i hope u will smile at there...... i hope my tears will stop one day....

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