letting myself in hurt>>>>>>>>>>>>>

28/10/2014  Depressed...

Here I come again... I find peace in here cause I can say out all my heart words without being secretive... Mummy, my birthday is getting nearer... The beautiful and memorable memories flash back together with the all the horrible, harsh and griefty memories.... Mummy, the last birthday that we celebrated together before u left to find ah gong I could still remembered it. That was the best memory ever... When think back, I rally angry with myself why that time I never appreciate you and yet still scold you for throwing a party for me while you so sick... Now only i knew the ans to my WHY... That was really a splendid memory which I could only flash back in my mind...

Mummy, after you have gone,  there isn't any beautiful creation in my life already... before u left u told me to let go someone as u known tat he wasn't the one for me and u ask me to love myself, take care of family and also find someone who truly love me... Mummy, i really wish i could told u that i found that person already but these four years it prove me wrong.... that person prove me wrong...

I thought i really could trust him and he is the only guy who never lie to me... end up i also being cheated by him... this lie, cheat will never cease away from my heart... the hurt and scar keep on bleeding... i still celebrate his birthday and buy a present which cause me in a situation where i dunno where am i now... mummy, the day i know he cheat on me i really wanna commit suicide and find u d... i wish to get a cancer but i think is u love me tat y till now i am still healthy...

i will never trust him anymore... i also hate him a lot cause me change... i wanna a break but i cant... i want a clean and pure relationship... y must he lie and cheat on me... i not dare to kiss now...i dare not to look in his face nw... i hate to c the face tat cheat on me... but i dun think that he notice on my changes...

tonight i purposely dun wan out with him... i will never out with him and his fren anymore... wedding still can continue or not will be a question for me to answer...  i rather to have a play love now than a real love cause my love that i though is real has been broken and it had prove to me that in this world there will never be any reAL love... all things that happen should not be started and i dunno hw to end it nw... it's not that i didn't think properly i got think it over... but sometimes things are out of my control... i dress up myself nw... my heart have space to fill another person.... i started to cast him away in my life... i wanted to stop but how to stop.............. maybe die will be the solution... i wish to get cancer... so that i can meet mummy... i miss u... i am tired d...

i will never forget and cast away the truth that i am being cheat from someone i put my trust in... I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU LIE TO ME AND WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT I AM BEING CHEATED... THANKS FOR WHAT U HAVE DONE TO ME... THE PAIN U CAUSE MAKE ME WANNA DIE EVEN MORE... tonight u out with ur fren i didnt folo cause i hate u and i dun to be near u...
tat is also y i dun wan to celebrate my birthday and anniversary with u...

u never know the reason i plan this... i wan u to have a regret all ur life for wat u have done to me all these years... i will let wat u have done to me live fresh in my mind and heart so that i can more easily break with u... tonight u out i hope it will be d end for us...