mummy.... decision tat should be made....

mami,

i finally found tat y i have no feel towards him d... tat because my heart already take him out... after i say out wat i wan to him i feel so relaxed...

mami,
today we both feel like stranger to each other.... i dunno is this wat i wan but i felt relieved tis way... as least he wont waste his time on me... the more we be stranger to each other the more i feel comfortable... at least when the time come, i can leave easily... i really have no feel to him d...
for my whole life i hate ppl lie to me the most... my feeling towards him gone ever since i know that he had been lying to me and cheated me these 4 years... now mami, honestly i have no feel towards him d...

even though i wanna divorce but i want to see him build up himself  and his business running good only i am ease to leave him... i dun wan to care how other ppl think d.. my life is too short to care on wat ppl think abt me... i dun to be like u mami... i wan freedom.... i wan my life... every stage of life i had also been through d... single, couple, abandon and spouse and now divorce... wat else... nothing more i could ask for...

mami, i jus hope tat he will live his life fully nice and take a nice care of himself after our divorce...i wan him to focus more on his job... mami, hope u can guide me in this decision making....

good night for today mami.... wanna oi oi d.... nitez.... miss u....

a talk with mum 221214

mami,

it's been a while i haven't talk with u right... quite bz recently...i am doing fine lately... just tat i discover tat i am in debt... i dunno how to say buti really he manage to quickly settle his financial problem so tat w both can be free from debt... i started to care more abt my appearance and i also care how someone look at me now... i wan to be pretty until everyone guy envy and eager to have me...

maybe he didn't notice on how was my changes but i loves on what i am doing now... at least i am full of confident... now i need to face everything on my own as she away for her trip... i miss her badly...

mami,
i knw wat am i doing now...will chat with u tomoro.... gd9... wish to dream u tonight....

happening 15/12/2014

mami,

sorry for not talking to u in 2 days... too busy d... u wanna know i busy with what???i busy with open house... tell u one thing ya mummy, i finally learned how to cook curry chicken d.... last time when u still around, no matter how u force i also dun wan cook but now everything also must learn... lately i had been keeping myself busy mami... i know if i stop my mind, i sure gonna think of someone... i dun wan to waste my time on someone who doesn't have me in his heart d.... seeing him happy now i also happy... love someone doesn't mean we have to be together... although sometimes it may still bleed and my heart may in pain but it;s better this way... at least i gonna be stronger than before...

as for me and sheng, dun worry mami, we will b alright.. i may forgive him but i may not forget what i had get from him... he is trying to gain my love back... it's not i dun wan to give him but i dunno how to give when my heart had been thrown by someone... i dun even know how to get it back...
mami, i just wan us to be natural... tat will b better... i will try my best not to hurt him...

mami, i wanna slp d... cha with u tomoro ba....

a talk before sleep....

mami,

i was about to sleep but i rmb that i haven't talk with you yet today.... i just back from an appointment with my old fren.. she wan me to join her in direct sales and also business marketing... honestly say i had been out from marketing and business market for quite a time... i dun have much interest in it but the income attract me... i dunno whether i should pursue or not cause if i continue with this business i am going to focus directly in my career d...

mami, maybe this way is better as i prefer to busy all my day than keep my mind in thinking on stupid things and also keep on thinking on someone.... mummy, i wan to be pretty and also a career woman now.... it will be better this way....

mami, mai worry abt me and sheng k...i will settle it fast... we can still be together or not it will be depend on how time prove it...

good night mami,,,, love u always....

hurting and breaking heart............

mami,

i am back... today a bit late talk with u... i am so sorry mami... i had done something wrong... i need to learn on how to be strong...i know u wan me to be strong but mami... so sorry to say tat i had been trying to be strong but sometimes it turns out that it is really hard...

mami,

today dunno y i ask someone y wan to hug me, hold me and then just let me off,,,, as what i predicted... he din ans and also cant give me the answer... perhaps his action now gave me the answer d... mami, i really need to let go d rite.... in fact i should have let go long time ago... i really need to let him go and carry on with my life.... i wont forget him but i will let him off d... i will stop being fren and nice as i am not really tat good... i knew if i keep on nice to him, i my own will let myself in pain and hurt...

mami, sheng ask me out to celebrate christmas eve and new year eve together... these 4 years he never ask me out and even ask me to stay at home for these days... these years, he asked me out but i decline d...i dun have the feeling anymore... my heart so stiff now... i am thinking on writing a letter to him after we signed the paper.... he maybe will treat it as something to let our relationship to be better in future but for me it was real... maybe i am not his girl and he may find his second... short pain better than long pain... i will take our single back time to see clearly whether we both suit each other or not.... i will focus more on my career... by this way only i can stop my heart from hurt and pain.... perhaps i should not be into any relationship... then no pain for both side.... we both hurt in this relationship... due to my heart is dead now... i cant give him any feeling... and i dun understand y must things happen to the worst only a person will know what is important and how to treasure the person he grab the hand... i dun wan till this moment only he knw how to cherish me... he waited till my heart die then only knw how to cherish me... i really need time to help me prove his changes and his willingness...


mami, i promise to be strong and let go the feeling on someone... i promise to be strong and be the duaghter u wan me to be k.... perhaps i will be sad for these weeks but i swear to you that i will recover soon... love you mami...

good night.... miss u....

hate myself... suffocating....

mami,

today is the 2nd time i talk with you... i am really lost now mami.... i dunno what to do anymore beside being silence... mami, if u still around can i ask a help to get rid of someone from my heart and make it close... i never thought my heart could be more pain than last time... mummy i am really dun understand is it someone just playing with me.... den y i am the one who suffer and someone so happy with partner now...y must someone let me so suffer...  i dunno y my heart can open for people to just enter and leave a mark in it....

mami, am i and someone really just can be together only for a day and end it that way???  does it mean that i dun have place in his heart le ma... does it mean i am being played and fooled by someone i care and love .... mami y i must suffer in my life like this???

perhaps the divorce is best for me and sheng as i am being unfair towards him... i dun wan to drag him down and i also wish for the best for him... although in a month time we may be seem like a flase divorce but for it would be the real divorce.... and i dun plan to tell him tis... sorry mami for i have let u down.... i am in the midst of divorcing and i cant tell anyone... for him it would be a fake but for me it would be a real and i am going to treat it as a real divorce.... i am going to enter my real single life soon.... it is better this way for i and sheng no need to suffer anymore in this relationship.....

mami, if can i wan to have second chance with someone and also a chance with a someone.... i wish for that... i hope mami can help me in this... then only i will know what's right and wrong.... pls mami... i beg u... please bless me and let me grow up.....

mami, i am going to sleep now... whenever u are, pls take good care of yourself and I Love You and I Miss You a lot....... Good night mami....

Useless of me.....

mami,

i am here again chatting with u.. mami am i useless??? i dunno how to manage my love life now... i am confuse and lost... i am suffocating now... i dunno where only i can get my air... facing someone whom i lost feeling make me feel like wan to die... c someone so happily with partner so happily make my heart pain more than ever... i dunno what should i do d mami... i am total lost now... i am really wondering is he playing with my heart... y must he pull it out and stab it once again... y am i so useless to let it get stab again... y am i so silly to have let it pull out again... y do i lie to myself again and again... i really hate myself... as for another one i dun think he have feel towards me cause he never text me again and never text me at first...i think i better let my heart in cold and stiff... better dun let it get warm again is the best.... by this way no matter how i wont get stab and i can slowly recover... now i indeed very hurt... seeing someone so happy now with partner i really cant stand it..... i even need to force myself to smile....  what's more hurt than this.......... i really dunno i can stand how long......... i really hate him for letting me to have feel towards someone again....