hate myself... suffocating....

mami,

today is the 2nd time i talk with you... i am really lost now mami.... i dunno what to do anymore beside being silence... mami, if u still around can i ask a help to get rid of someone from my heart and make it close... i never thought my heart could be more pain than last time... mummy i am really dun understand is it someone just playing with me.... den y i am the one who suffer and someone so happy with partner now...y must someone let me so suffer...  i dunno y my heart can open for people to just enter and leave a mark in it....

mami, am i and someone really just can be together only for a day and end it that way???  does it mean that i dun have place in his heart le ma... does it mean i am being played and fooled by someone i care and love .... mami y i must suffer in my life like this???

perhaps the divorce is best for me and sheng as i am being unfair towards him... i dun wan to drag him down and i also wish for the best for him... although in a month time we may be seem like a flase divorce but for it would be the real divorce.... and i dun plan to tell him tis... sorry mami for i have let u down.... i am in the midst of divorcing and i cant tell anyone... for him it would be a fake but for me it would be a real and i am going to treat it as a real divorce.... i am going to enter my real single life soon.... it is better this way for i and sheng no need to suffer anymore in this relationship.....

mami, if can i wan to have second chance with someone and also a chance with a someone.... i wish for that... i hope mami can help me in this... then only i will know what's right and wrong.... pls mami... i beg u... please bless me and let me grow up.....

mami, i am going to sleep now... whenever u are, pls take good care of yourself and I Love You and I Miss You a lot....... Good night mami....