D@D!!!!!!!

today ah ma call me up told me that she not well... her stomach not well... i so scared... suddenly my work all couldnt be done and it's like i am hang... a computer hang... suddenly come through my mind, what would i be without my grandma beside me.... who else i have if i also lost my grandma... i so scared now... she has a son but she was so dissapointed with her son... y is she feeling the same way i am feeling.... i realy dun wan to hate a person i call as my dad... i felt tired... really really tired... who could understand tis feeling... i never wish for anyone to understand tis feeling and also my feeling.... all the while i am only wishing my daddy to understand my feeling... but his words really hurting me... since the day i been chased out from my daddy, i take a big courage to stand on own legs building my own life and a better life.... but i know... it will never be the best without u near me...

dad,
tis is the first time i write in my blog about how i miss u in my life... i admite at here... i hate u... really really hate u bcz u r the one causing me live my life miserable... u r the one making me lost all my family.... i really hate u very much but i cant stop myself from missing u... today after a long time, i also dunno y.... i open up ur picture and i cry in front of ur pic... i just cant figure out the answer that i been searching for so long... whether are we really cant communicate, is there anything between us??? i really dunno whether i done wrong o u wrong... u thought i really happy at outside ma... everytime i saw other with their dad, do u noe how pain my heart was... how i wish we could be like them, i wish so much they are us but tis will never come true... ah ma begging me to go back... i wanna go back but i dun have the courage and the bravery... i take up a big breath and courage living outside n i need a big more courage to be back there.... u chased me out on my 21st birthday... i was planned to celebrate with u all that day but u chased me out... it seems like u killing me inside... i already lost mummy and u making me lost my dad as well.... daddy, i had stop hating u but i really cant back... i havent found the answer for me to back... i dun wan to argue with u... just hope that u understand... i dun wan my sibling to follow my steps and be like me... regreting.... u never try to understand me can u just understand me for once.... pls..... i beg u pls..............