paining

i am feeling sorry to my mum... how am i going to advise someone whose tempered same with me??? i really feeling sorry to mum... i move out but it seems like my sibling had also moved to their new life... they wan me to go back and take care of them... no... cannot only say my sibling.... is my kopo, ah ma and others all wan me to go back to take care of them... my bro say that i throw all my responsible on him... hia ex asked me to care their feeling... my dad scolded me 10 kinds because i dun wan to go back... my ex say he love me just that he is using the wrong way.... my sis said that i din care and understand their feeling.... all say tis and say tat....

but CAN I JUST ASK.... who care about my feeling.... i been blame, beaten, scolded and even need to bear a responsibility as a mother after mummy pass away... who ever care my feeling.... i didn't really have a good life outside... i live in a very poverty world.... i dun even have enough money to support myself.... who ever knew about it..... who ever ask... when u all need help, am i really didnt help??? even though i dun have money to eat, i still gave to u all but at last what i get??? u all cannot accept mum death so... u all sad because mum dead... u all say i am selfish... didnt u all also selfish ma...

have my dad really done a responsibility as a dad ma??? u all never know what he had really done to me...  i once protect my mum from his fierce and unhuman being... tat moment he still manage to say he is not wrong and he will not say sorry... if a dad can really do anything after drunk or while having stress or tension from work to his children... then i would say i willing born to be an orphan without dad... i had been facing this cruelness for 20 years ever since small... since small... only i and my brother knew about it...

my sister i din understand her... so did she understand me??? before i move out... i being soo care about u all... i control u all sooo tight even with the friend that u all wanna be... when i at home, i never let ur stomach empty... i always argue with ur dad just to protect u all... i had soo much wanna out from tat hse... if not because of mummy, do u know i had been gone from tis world... u cant let go mum so do me.... i let go my everything just hoping and wishing that she can be cure and be with us... but my dream and my hope all vanished with just a glance when u phone that mum gone... i cant even call her for the last time... even when her coffin were carried out... i didn't even call mummy... u all got call for the last time but me... i cant even call for the last time.... i been avoiding tis matter because i know that i cant stand up for a very long time after this incident.... have u ever noticed and care about it???? have u care about my feeling....

i have my own stand... i just wish tat u all will not force me to go back or say that i am not care about u all... if i really can support myself i wont have to work 2 work everyday... i live with him is a stress but i rather live at here cause i can sleep at nite... i wont scare beeing bang door... i not selfish just tat i know that my life is in my hand... i just hope u all can understand it...

i also hope tat u understand the person next to u... dun simply trust... love and like is not the same... i hope u know..... not all guy can be trusted...i din really trust sheng as well.....