how our relationship begin>>> i started to forget.......... there is a lot of things i started to forget along as our relationship went on..
i really wanna know how much u understand me actually??? is my demand too hard to fulfill or am i too hard to understand?? is me being silence or u just being patience??? are we two still consider as a couple or only life partner???
tonight i felt that we are more happy when we both have nothing... i din have my part time job... u just doing ur jobs seems to be more happy... am i started to have a request which cause u cant understand me and gets along with me very well??? i prefer we sleeping in a single bed cause u will be hugging me and holding me whole night till the next day we wake up....
but i dunno since when our relationship getting worse and worser... i dunno since when our love become dull and colorless... now even though we have our own place, our own space but we are not as happy as we should be... i try to bear all the mocking that i get from ur family... i know myself ver well... these few months i try to be myself back.... i do find out that i am actually happy to be myself... i have no tension... however whenever i met u and saw u i cant be myself again... u didnt even ralise i was actually pretend in front of u all this while... my love towards u dunno y become dull as the days gone by...
i scare that i might have no feeling towards u as the days pass on... i know what i want... i am not a materialistic girl... i just want a time from u to spare for me for whole days not just a few hours or acc ur family... this several months we never been together... this neglected feeling let me thinking of we are not a couple but a life partner.. i wan a guy who could give me warm instead of feeling cold, who could make me smile instead of making me cry... who could please me whenever i am down and moody... all these actions had stopped from u recently... i could no longer feel ur warm, love and please.. u had been stopped courting me since we register....
me secure feeling gone... even worse when u mention to me that u r going to run ur business ur own... i am selfish but i mentioned to u also... not to say to me if u really wanna make ur own business... i rather dun know for i cannot acept it... honestly till now i still cannot accept leave me for ur frens, ur company and ur own happiness 3 years ago.... u leave me here while u at HK left a scar which cannot be healed till now... no matter how hard i tried to cover it but it still appears and it keep on appearing this few weeks... making my heart ache each day... u never try to understand this feeling of mine and u will never understand this feeling of mine because in ur mind u didn't do anything wrong...
there's one more thing... i hope there wont be any celebration for my birthday next year from u... what u made for me for these 3 years had been more than enough... u make me hate my birthday... this year birthday present is the worst birthday present i ever get... i really nid to say thanks sooo much for what u ahd done for my birthday night... that words from u and ur sis haunted me till now... i cannot even get rid of it and i still nid to pretend nothing happened... do u know how hard it was to pretend nothing happened when actually it does... what u ahd given is more than enough...
tonight i angry because once more time i saw ur effort in keeping the promise towards me which is no effort....u can even forget about it... i angry and sad because i realise there's no space for me d in ur heart... i also realise 'yuan lai' all this while i am the one who been working hard maintaining our relationship....till now i also dunno am i right or wrong for angry at u all these while as there is no right and wrong in love............. but y my heart aches so badly.............. since my love towards u change to dull????????????? since when our love become a partner only............
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